Living with a disease while believing in an all-powerful and loving God is frustrating. It’s a personal thing and yet your issue becomes a litmus test to others of the quality of your faith. I could talk about symptoms I deal with but the most to be gained is maybe pity or more likely responses from the “Get over it!” crowd. They would tell all the stories of people who have been blown to bits and are now left with a finger and Mr. Bits learned to play an instrument with it. Very inspiring.
You do learn to “Live with it” like with an oppressive family member, but personally being left in that place which inspires many to become agnostics/angrynostics is a bit draining. People aside, you are left with a disease and an open sky. After doing all the introspection, forgiving everyone no matter if they change or not or brings your healing or not, speaking all the right words, reading all the healing Scriptures, pretending everyone else is right and you were wrong this whole time, plus countless other things, you are left with this open sky. It never left, it never changed even a little.
What do you do? Do you give your issue, that only you and He will ever truly understand, the power to separate you? Is it not one of the most personal things in the world? Love, though it’s not supposed to change, does here. Well, at least we do. Love is the most powerful thing on earth, and though it can bring change to the person it does nothing to change the disease.
I know many who have lost children before they were born or shortly after. It silences them and provides a burden that steals their joy. Only they and God know their pain. There is so much to say about this and people’s responses/reactions, but in the end, it is always a personal thing that others will never truly be able to comprehend.
What you believe when you look up to the open sky, regardless of what may come, directs your steps. The stubborn find other ways to get whatever enjoyment, even a portion of what they would have had if not for the loss, to continue. What does this look like? It could be involvement at an orphanage, spending time with kids who got to be born but don’t get to have the love of parents. It could be many things, but the point is letting loss either lead you to virtue or to vice.
In the end, we all have the chance of life here. What do you want to do with it? What if your disease or loss has nothing to do with the quality of your faith? What if what you do after shows more about it? To the stubborn, I salute you. I think it makes God smile if not gives you something to smile about.
We are all Mr. Bits, if we think about it. Unrequited love, failure, disease, loss, maybe these are enough to bring forth a song or a poem that can help others carry their burdens along underneath this open sky.
I’ll never forget a poem I read from Gregory Orr:
“To be alive: not just the carcass
But the spark.
That’s crudely put, but…
If we’re not supposed to dance,
Why all this music?”
He had accidentally shot and killed his brother while they were out hunting.
This life is broken. Why do some get to be rich and healthy while others don’t? Do we play the part to make definitions work? Why shoot for consistency when everything here isn’t? I say, either rich and healthy or poor and on your deathbed, serving God is the best way to spend your moments here, however few.
And from this Mr. Bits to you, no one will say this for fear of judgment, but it’s the best way to get revenge on your loss. Serving your Angry-nosticism just leaves you angry, serving God gives life no loss can take away.