LORD, I don’t want to be that guy. I don’t want to be filled with fear because of a past I can’t shake. I don’t want to bury mine because I’m afraid I’ll lose it again. The servant buried his because ‘life isn’t fair’. Do I do it for anything less? I don’t want to be that guy. I don’t want to watch for others to fail. I don’t want to speak poison into those who have not experienced my past like a dead leaf trapping a Mayflower. I don’t want to be that guy…

Oh Jacob Marley, why did you only warn Scrooge about one side of greed? Surely you knew more. Surely you saw others floating in the afterlife, those who because of sorrow have robbed the rest of the world of that which the LORD sought to give. What chains of burden shackle them?

Oh Greed, in each hand you grip those who have gained and those who have lost. They both, in turn, grasp onto that which they cannot bear to lose and can never keep. And for those who spread only the ashes, those Keepers of the Ash, like Shimei son of Gera, they proclaim of the palaces of faith they once had now burned to the ground. They curse God and choose not to build anymore, neither on the rock or sand. It made no difference before. In their greed, they believe ash is all they can cling to. Ash can’t be destroyed, it is destruction.

“One can’t lose if one doesn’t have”, like a Muddy Waters’ song it speaks a dark comfort to the bereaved and the cowardly. Such a twisted lock the devil has made: if you are advanced, you willfully take a step back. An evil doubt and fear-driven Hokey Pokey. A bit of madness keeps them dancing. Fully manifested they will target those who are blessed and tear at them with all their strength. For them, the ones who are blessed are the lie. They would crucify again the perfect One to satisfy their rage at this imperfect world.

Oh Marley were you too afraid to mention the bonds crafted on those Scrooge neglected? His misdeeds did more than cause deprivation. Your story fails to mention that they also gave rise to a lust rivaling that of Jezebel’s. Naturally one cannot be responsible for another’s actions, unless it is as an avalanche caused by a small stone. Marley, you wicked witness! You are in death what you were in life. Ever closing your eyes to the truth and only seeing that which will change your name in the history books. Did you see Hezekiah there, casting small insignificant stones upon a mountainside just waiting to crumble?

May I leave such paths behind, may they ever remain ‘the road not taken’. May any bond, any shackle, any chain that has ever been forged for me by my own actions, be loosed in Jesus’ name. I want to be born again. I want to be free from a past that mocks hope. I want to run and jump like a deer. I want to “taste and see that the LORD is good”. I want to see Scripture fulfilled in my days. I want to witness the good plans He has for me. I want to become the man with 5 minas turned to 10. I want to have to build extra barns to hold the incoming harvest.

Yes LORD, I want to believe again in Your goodness. For You alone are God, whether or not any of this ever makes sense. May Your Name be praised.

The practice of memorizing Scripture has often been joked about along with soccer mom’s, home schoolers, and minivans, (of which I’m 3 out of 4). Recently I’ve heard popular preachers make fun of the idea, comparing ‘memorizing Scripture’ vs. ‘living it out’ as if to say they aren’t in agreement. Pictures of The Simpsons’ Ned Flanders comes to mind as the ‘type’ of person who memorizes parts of the Bible, but from my own personal experience there is very little that compares to its ability to sear the mind.

There is such an extreme amount of thought-traffic out there with a youtube video for each one that it can be hard to hear your own let alone His thoughts. Trying to find some time to quiet it all down can be challenging enough and is probably one of the main reasons people refer to it as a joke. Whatever and why-ever the idea that memorizing Scripture has become a joke, again, I have never come into such conflict in my mind as I do when I try.

I remember when I started memorizing Scripture, it was literally like crossing a highway. Every thought screamed for my attention, they were all so important, I had to fight each of them off and get my mind to zero. I would lay the Bible open on my lap and, like trying to use dental floss when you have tremors, the battle would often get fierce. At times I’d even have to bust out the big guns and start calling things out in Jesus’ Name. This became evidence enough to me that I needed to do it.

Since attempting it, I have noticed that my thoughts have become more in line with Scripture. I began to train them to submit to His living and active Word and they did eventually quiet down. Facebook and other social networks, let alone everyday life, can often become a battleground. I’d read comments so offensive or so lacking in hope I’d be prone to worry for people. Instead of reacting, my thoughts would find their way to zero and He would be there giving me better ones.

Am I saying memorizing Scripture leads to perfection? No, but I am saying that along the road He leads me on there is no better radio station for my heart, soul, and mind than His Word. Memorizing it made it that much more readily available to me. Waiting in lines or in traffic became opportunities to recite, and when thoughts would demand my attention I’d tell them to wait their turn, and they would.

Memorizing Scripture may still be a joke to many, but one more thought, consider actors, if they don’t memorize their script the play is ruined. I would say you owe it to yourself to try. Start with whatever you want, maybe John 3:16 or Genesis 1:1, then attempt chapters and eventually entire books. The Psalms can be very rewarding as well as the New Testament often sites/quotes them. You get to have an entirely different level of intimacy with His Word when you do. It becomes what you think and talk about. His Word begins to have a prominent place bringing order to all of the endless traffic in our minds.

Memorizing and speaking His words is no joke and will endure long after Facebook is forgotten, let alone after heaven and earth pass away. It is powerful and will help to keep us focused on eternity.

Due to Betsy mistakenly putting her ATM card in a snack machine, only to have it eaten because the slot was for cash not cards, she quickly called the bank and had it cancelled. A couple of days ago we were finally able to go to the bank to get a new one. On our way out, the bank teller reached into his wallet and gave us a $50 gift card to Applebees. He said he just felt God wanted him to give it to us. We had only met him that day. We decided to go with the blessing and ate there right after the bank. We found out kids eat free on that day. Our bill came to $40, and we left the rest as tip.

So what started as a snack tragedy ended up as a feast for free. God cracks me up, amen.

What else is this life for
if not to know Him more?

There is a path in a forest in Fitzgerald Park of Grand Ledge, MI that provided me with a journey spiritual in nature. I know that may sound a bit weird, but if you go there to see it, and provided that things haven’t changed too much since I’ve walked it years ago, I think you may find it helpful.

The path in mention was West of the parking lot, on the left side of the park as you come in. There was a small wooden bridge that marked its entrance. As you walk in you’ll notice that soon the path comes to a crossroads. Many of the paths there were used for a frisbee golf course which was a lot of fun, but for this journey, I saw more than par 4’s and par 5’s. It was at the first major intersection that the journey became clear. The path to the right went down a steep grade and then disappeared around a bend leading behind me. This spoke to me of where you leave and let go of the past, similar to where Christian let go of his burden at the cross in the story “The Pilgrim’s Progress”. Here I pictured it clearly as I laid down whatever burden I carried, and because of what Jesus accomplished on the cross, it rolled away and was forever gone beyond sight.

Then there were 4 more different paths to choose from. The one to the right as I said before goes downhill, but the next one which also angled slightly to the right continued straight, deeper into the wood. This spoke to me of the clear path Jesus leads us on separating us from a destructive life. Then as with all metaphors, you have the choice to let it end or let it continue. If you let it end here, that’s fine, maybe you’ll see some wildlife or hear a wood thrush, one of my favorites, or go play some disc golf, but if you continue maybe you’ll see what I saw.

The path then after the straightaway clearly took a turn downhill and continued to the right, but if you saw it, there is also a small relatively unused path that went uphill briefly to the left. The path to the right spoke to me of the life of faith that slowly returns to the destructive call of this fallen world. But the small unused path to the left spoke to me of the “still, small voice” of God in 1 Kings 19:11-13 and of Jesus’ “narrow path” in Matthew 7:13-14. When I followed it, the path was no longer as clear as the wider one. I really had to pay attention to stay on track, but when I did, that path eventually lead to one of my favorite places on the trail.

After a small jump, it intersected with a larger path. It is along this larger path that I was afforded a sight that will ever stand out in my mind in regards to the change given to us by the leading of the Holy Spirit. There was a platform that gave a grand view of the surrounding landscape full of low points and high. It spoke to me of a hindsight view of life in all its variety. There was then a staircase that leads down to paths which eventually ended near the Grand River.

Now part of the wonder of that platform and stairs was the fact that I hiked it back before they had fixed it. The platform back then was old, worn, and falling apart, and the stairs were collapsing off the edge of a 10-foot drop into a shallow creek below. Old pieces of the stairs still remained and were left behind as a memory while the new staircase was built further in from the drop and on surer ground. This spoke to me of the old and dangerous path that once was and of the new one that we who follow Jesus now walk. It reminded me of the wise and foolish builders in Matthew 7:24-27.

As I followed the path to the Grand, I thought of the trail blazed by Jesus that leads those who follow to their new life in Him. If you go there may you be reminded of the freedom you now have through His work on the cross. He paid the price for it, and we are to leave our burdens there and believe in Him.

There are many other things I saw on those paths, but hopefully, you’ll get a chance to walk there and wonder yourself.

The layers of prayer: (I know there are countless other layers, but this
consecutively develops with the belief that there is a core.)

“Lord I give You everything I am…” (Said as if to barter)

“Lord I love You…” (As if to convince Him of your authenticity)

“Lord I want…” (As if He doesn’t already know)

“Please…” (Begging begins)

“I am sorry… (An attempt to make yourself worthy)

“I declare…” (Pretending you must not have done it right the last time)

“Your Word says…” (Begin debating)

“Where are You…?” (Emotions begin to take over)

“Are You deaf…?” (Begin accusations)

“I’ve done everything I know to do…” (Frustration, anger, and doubt in His covenant begin)

“Did I miss it/lose it…?” (Blame game)

“How long…?” (Begin to surrender)

“Prepare me for whatever You are doing…” (The end, usually said in bitter
frustration with a tinge of hope that there’s an end in sight)

No, I don’t pretend to understand what He’s up to, and no this is not the path of everyone. I believe He is good, and that it is not my faith that makes Him so. He is alive.

If He answers your prayers exactly as you have prayed them, amen. For the rest of us, after you’ve done everything, keep praying. I believe He wants to bring us in beyond the formulas and recipes. Perhaps He wants to show you something, or is preparing something- this, the “tinge of hope”.

Living with a disease while believing in an all-powerful and loving God is frustrating. It’s a personal thing and yet your issue becomes a litmus test to others of the quality of your faith. I could talk about symptoms I deal with but the most to be gained is maybe pity or more likely responses from the “Get over it!” crowd. They would tell all the stories of people who have been blown to bits and are now left with a finger and Mr. Bits learned to play an instrument with it. Very inspiring.

You do learn to “Live with it” like with an oppressive family member, but personally being left in that place which inspires many to become agnostics/angrynostics is a bit draining. People aside, you are left with a disease and an open sky. After doing all the introspection, forgiving everyone no matter if they change or not or brings your healing or not, speaking all the right words, reading all the healing Scriptures, pretending everyone else is right and you were wrong this whole time, plus countless other things, you are left with this open sky. It never left, it never changed even a little.

What do you do? Do you give your issue, that only you and He will ever truly understand, the power to separate you? Is it not one of the most personal things in the world? Love, though it’s not supposed to change, does here. Well, at least we do. Love is the most powerful thing on earth, and though it can bring change to the person it does nothing to change the disease.

I know many who have lost children before they were born or shortly after. It silences them and provides a burden that steals their joy. Only they and God know their pain. There is so much to say about this and people’s responses/reactions, but in the end, it is always a personal thing that others will never truly be able to comprehend.

What you believe when you look up to the open sky, regardless of what may come, directs your steps. The stubborn find other ways to get whatever enjoyment, even a portion of what they would have had if not for the loss, to continue. What does this look like? It could be involvement at an orphanage, spending time with kids who got to be born but don’t get to have the love of parents. It could be many things, but the point is letting loss either lead you to virtue or to vice.

In the end, we all have the chance of life here. What do you want to do with it? What if your disease or loss has nothing to do with the quality of your faith? What if what you do after shows more about it? To the stubborn, I salute you. I think it makes God smile if not gives you something to smile about.

We are all Mr. Bits, if we think about it. Unrequited love, failure, disease, loss, maybe these are enough to bring forth a song or a poem that can help others carry their burdens along underneath this open sky.

I’ll never forget a poem I read from Gregory Orr:
“To be alive: not just the carcass
But the spark.
That’s crudely put, but…
If we’re not supposed to dance,
Why all this music?”

He had accidentally shot and killed his brother while they were out hunting.

This life is broken. Why do some get to be rich and healthy while others don’t? Do we play the part to make definitions work? Why shoot for consistency when everything here isn’t? I say, either rich and healthy or poor and on your deathbed, serving God is the best way to spend your moments here, however few.

And from this Mr. Bits to you, no one will say this for fear of judgment, but it’s the best way to get revenge on your loss. Serving your Angry-nosticism just leaves you angry, serving God gives life no loss can take away.

I’m starting to think wisdom is a mathematical equation.

All education is pattern because the Pattern Maker makes it so. Is it really that much of a stretch to understand He made a pattern of Life that fulfills the Fall of man?

He set forth and showed us an equation that fulfills wisdom itself.

Wisdom was given to man to show us how the equation worked. Jesus came to fulfill the equation beyond wisdom’s power.

I’m seeing the book of Proverbs as a math book. If we’re left with its limits, then the Old Covenant stands. It was what was put in place to help man of his own efforts of sacrifice and blood.

With Wisdom, God created all that is. Jesus was there. Hebrews says Jesus is the Heir of all things and “through whom He made the universe”. How else does wisdom stand?

Faithfulness and righteousness were the fulfillment of those who dwell with wisdom. Jesus was/is/ever will be the Righteous One.

We knew of the answer we hoped for: the salvation of man. I know of those who hate the equation, who see the fact that there is one as proof of God’s cruelty. If He knew, then why the charade of the Garden? But I would say that though He knew it would come to this, there were plans for greater things. I wonder of the comparison of God’s questioning of Adam in the Garden with the plea of Jesus while also in one.

Two discussions with God in gardens that held the fate of mankind in their wake. One for our condemnation, the other ultimately for our salvation. Both tests, one failed, the other fulfilled.

There are voices in Scripture that wish we could have made it work, from the Garden to the Temple, but they spoke of ever less than the fulfillment to come in Jesus.

If anything the equation of wisdom shows us our need for more, but no one knew what He had in store.

Numbers get fulfilled with concepts. In Proverbs, it would be: The undiscerning + listening to a gossip = folly. And Hebrews chapter 4: Hearing the Gospel + Faith = Rest.

I know it’s a bit elementary, but it makes sense to me with the plethora of proverbs that each give little bits of info to paint a bigger picture of wisdom in a fallen world. Then when we think of Jesus, we see firsthand how He flips it on its head and fulfills it.