I’d never been here before. I had only ever seen healers portrayed on TV and the movies as charlatans using Jesus to get to your money. So when some friends suggested I go to a healing service hosted by Pastor Billy Burke, I was a little hesitant.

When I got there I was introduced to so many new things, the Gospel Hymns in all their glory, names I’ve never heard like Kathryn Kuhlman, Billy Burke himself in his white suit and glowing blond hair. It was a bit much for me honestly. There were so many people in the sanctuary all waiting, all expecting something to happen.

I didn’t know what was going on, all I knew was my body was shutting down and I needed healed. I didn’t know how it was to happen, what I was supposed to do or say. I don’t even remember some of the stuff I witnessed which was pretty wild. But I do remember hope.

Billy Burke shared his own story of being a child with only weeks to live because of the final stages of brain cancer. Kathryn Kuhlman called him down to the platform and after asking him if he wanted to be healed, she touched him. Power went out and the cancer was gone, instantly.

After he told that story and a few more of healings he had been a part of, he began to call out diseases people were being healed of.

If I was to go into detail on any point of this story, it would be a novel so I’m condensing it for the purpose of this site. Suffice it to say, something was going on that I had never seen or heard of before. People walked up, got healed, jumped up and down and praised God, and then sat back down, believe it or not. Well, I wanted in. I was told only come forward if Pastor Billy called out what you were suffering from. He had mentioned the disease my body has been fighting toward the beginning of the service and that was good enough for me. So after I summoned up the courage I walked down to the front.

One of the guards stopped me and asked why I had come. I told him of my condition, he radioed the other guards to see if Pastor Billy had called it out. The guard shook his head at me and told me to sit. I took a seat at the front. I don’t know how this stuff works, but I wasn’t about to let this pass without giving it a shot. I wasn’t going to leave, so I sat and waited.

After numerous other healings, some of which he didn’t call out, but people got through, he finally said to lower the ropes and let people come forward. It all felt really weird. Some people were saying that they were healed just by being in the service, they didn’t need Billy to lay his hands on them. Others said that if you stand next to him, the glory and power of the presence of God will overwhelm you. So I tried both.

At first, I started to feel excited, then as people gathered around and got closer and closer, and as Billy started walking around grabbing the closest to him shouting praises to God, I started to feel panicked. At the rate things were going there was no way he would reach me. There were too many people. I started to make my way to the front, but it was getting beyond being civil. If I wanted to get up front I was going to have to start pushing people out of my way. I wasn’t walking very well so I did my best.

Just then, a lady pushed up next to me and reached out her hand toward Billy who was actually really close. I reached out mine too and he passed by. I lowered mine just as he turned back and grabbed the lady’s hands. She fell back, slain by the Spirit, they call it. When I looked up, Billy had moved on down the row. I was having too much difficulty in my body and mind trying to reconcile this mad stampede feeling with why God would enjoy watching me throttle people so I could get my healing. Finally I headed back out to my seat. I resolved to be one who gets healed by being at the service not needing to be touched.

The service went on for probably another hour and a half. Pastor Billy walked back and forth touching as many people as he could calling out healings, people were falling back on the floor frozen. Some would shake as the power flowed through them. After the service, I sat praying and hoping that tonight was my night. As I prayed, the lady came up that stood next to me in the crowd.

“Did you get what you came for?” she asked excitedly.

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly.

“The Lord told me to go stand next to you so I would get touched,” her words hit me hard.

After she said this, she said some words of blessing and left. My thoughts went 4 different directions at once and I felt like I was being drawn and quartered. But before any of them had a chance to run off with a limb, one thought came forward that held me together. If the Lord told her to stand next to me so she could get her healing/touch, amen I’m glad I could help, then that means the Lord, Creator of the universe knew right where I was and He knew what I was there for. He wasn’t ignoring me or forgetting me, He was watching me and still using me. It blew my mind, and even though almost 3 years later I’m still expecting my healing, that experience gives me peace to know as Hagar knew in Genesis 16:13, El Ro’i watches over me.

If you feel forgotten, on the outside watching all those who receive God’s blessings, know that God knows right where you are. He always has plans for His children. Don’t forget Joseph who suffered so much. I’m sure he felt forgotten, especially after the Cupbearer left him. Then at the appropriate time, Joseph was raised up to 2nd in charge of all Egypt. Rapid acceleration, healing, and equipping happen when we rest in the hands of our Father.

El Ro’i watches over us all.

-Brian Carter

Another story from back in the day- In the forest near where I grew up, I got to witness many of the transitions that come with the changing of the seasons. One of which has stayed with me for many years… in the back of my mind. I didn’t even know this until a couple years ago when I witnessed it again.

Mayapples grew up in little colonies throughout my forest. Like little crowds of green umbrellas, they’d grow and open up. Sometimes I’d pretend I was a really small person and climb under them… I still think about that. One day I looked down to notice that one had unknowingly grown up through the hole of a dead leaf, talk about the odds. Every time I came back I revisited it and stared at it in wonder. I’d find it among all the other Mayapples that got to grow freely to their normal glory in height and strength. This one Mayapple looked like an umbrella trying to open but with the belt still tightly fastened around it. Trapped it was in the carcass of something that got to experience its own glory in seasons past.

How? Perhaps it was chance but that wasn’t how I thought of it. As I wondered, I would think of people who suffer from the decisions of others who either have died or at least who are long gone from their life. The lasting effects of a manifestation of the Fall that strangle and force limitations on an unsuspecting victim.

One would think that since I took the plight of this plant a bit personally that I would have done something about it, but I didn’t. That didn’t even enter my mind. I thought that the best thing was to let it break free by its own power. That as it would grow, the bonds of the leaf would naturally fall apart.

Years later, over a decade actually, I found another trapped Mayapple. It may have been because by this time I had gone through many trials that have left their marks, it may have been because by this time I had kids of my own that I want to see grow up to their full potential, or it may have been that I just realized doing stuff on your own power isn’t strength, it’s weakness, I walked up to that Mayapple and stepped into new territory. I ripped apart the leaf bonds and set it free.

It was a plant, a Mayapple whose lifetime doesn’t even make it to the end of the season. But for some reason, freeing that one plant felt like I was freeing myself. Who knows, but acts that resemble the Kingdom, no matter how small, work against and counteract the Fall. You know things matter when it causes you to look at people and life differently. When we step out of our understood paradigm ruled by fear and logic that is dead-locked with fate, and we step out of the boat to realize with Him nothing is as it should be, it is then that power is unleashed. Power to bring freedom, to move mountains, to not be a victim, to overcome not just be protected.

Perhaps you know of a Mayapple that is stuck in a Leaf. Someone in your life who is caught and isn’t strong enough to free themselves. Maybe you are there to help rip the Leaf apart.

-Brian Carter

Right outside the forest where I grew up, there was a meadow. One time when I was hiking through it, I witnessed a group of small birds flying around like a dark swarming cloud. I’ve always marveled at the precision of such birds, like schools of small fish, I’ve never seen them run into each other. Imagining myself as one of them, it wouldn’t take me long to ruin their dance.

I watched them swirl, dive, swoop, and climb through the air. I was mesmerized, caught up in their hypnotic twirl. Then I noticed that they would land as a group after a certain cadence. And the places they would land were all in a row. I don’t even remember how long I studied them, but after a while I decided to move in. Their time between landings was almost exact, and every time they took off, I crept closer. Finally I was as close as I thought I could get, and with one more lift off I quickly ran to the spot I judged would be their next landing site.

The next bit happened so fast I screamed in excitement, laughed in joy, and then ducked in fear all at once. For as I watched, in their perfect timing, the cloud came right at me. I swear they were caught up in their own spell, for it didn’t seem like they saw me until the last moment. The dark cloud engulfed me- the scream. The perfect harmony of their movement hardly missed a step. They changed direction all around me. I heard the flap of wings and felt the wind blow through my hair- the laughter. Then scenes of when I’ve scared Canadian Geese to flight and they’d drop off any cargo that would weigh them down, quickly passed through my mind- the fear.

In the blink of an eye it was over. The cloud resumed their dance, swarming through the sky. In a few seconds after my disturbance they landed in turn at a spot just the right distance away. I just stood there for a while watching them continue.

I’ve held onto that experience through the years because it showed me the immanence of intimacy. Study all you want, seek your knowledge, but don’t be fooled- learning about the stuff of life can never replace living it.

-Brian Carter

December 8, 2012, I went with my wife and kids and our dogs to a park to hike around. It snowed a little that day, enough to frost the grass with a nice powdered sugar coating.

Before we began I prayed out loud inviting God to come play with us. I didn’t really know what I even meant by that, let alone even trying to think what its like to play with God. I mean, what does God do for fun? Raise the dead? Create more stars?

Well that day we hiked out a little farther than I was even planning and sat together under a tree the kids and I have climbed before. The puppies started exploring the nearby ponds and the kids sat with Betsy and I as we just looked around at our beautiful surroundings.

Then suddenly it began to snow quite heavily with huge snowflakes. None of us had any real snow gear on so we started heading back. But on the way up a small hill I looked down and noticed the snow gathered pretty easily on my boot, so I quickly gathered some and threw it at my family. I wasn’t even close, but it inspired my sons to join in and my wife and daughter were easy targets for them. I then got down on my knees and started rolling a snowball around just to make it a little bigger but to my surprise it got bigger and bigger. I didn’t know there was enough snow to make a snow man, but I kept at it and soon I had a bona fide base. When the kids saw that, it was on. They all wanted me to make them a snow man.

We played in the snow for a long time, my knees were numb but it didn’t matter. Finally exhausted cold and wet we headed back and noticed the snow had stopped. By the time we got to our car it was virtually all gone, even the powered sugar coating. I then realized how God plays with His kids.

-Brian Carter

“I am in a place where the earth is in constant motion. The sound of grinding plates fills my ears. Quakes are constant. The land beneath me, once so firm, once so dependable rises and falls like the ocean’s waves, so full of chaos. So opposite from what I know land to be.
The land I walked on before this rolling was so firm one could build lofty towers on it. Cities could stand full of tall graceful buildings. Bridges could be built to span the distances between them. One could never build such structures now, not here, not where the mountains move.”

-Brian Carter

It was on a wilderness trip some years ago. Thursday, we headed to Gabions on the Au Sable River. It began to rain, which wasn’t good because no where else on the trip was the universe more visible than at Gabions. We wanted a clear sky, so I began to ask God for one. A little earlier that day some of the campers saw an Eagle flying overhead, but others didn’t. So I began to ask God for an Eagle that the rest could see.

When we got to Gabions that evening, the rain had stopped and the clouds began to part. I praised God.

While at Gabions, an Eagle did acrobatics in the sky directly above our campsite, not more than 80 feet above us. I praised God.

Still at Gabions, a request came to me out of the blue, I asked God to write LOVE in the sky. He gave me a heart shaped cloud that flew right over where the Eagle did its tricks. I almost filled my pants, I mean, I praised God.

Now I have asked God for a rainbow before and got one, but this was a little more intense. I don’t have answers, I am just a witness.

Well… I do have one answer, He came to earth 2000 years ago and showed us much more than a cloud. Thank You Jesus.

-Brian Carter

WARNING: Content contains mature material not suitable for children.

“Being filled with the Holy Spirit is better than ejaculating,” I said to Erv, one of my managers at Papa John’s who was known as Erv the Perv.

A couple weeks later God proved the point. I was invited, along with the rest of Papa John’s, to a party at one of my co-worker’s house to watch a fight on pay-per-view. There was quite the group of guys there, and whenever there was an opportunity they would change the channel to a porn show. I was thankful I was wearing a hat as I would duck down and focus on my pop when they would do this. I knew God wanted me there for those guys, but the 50+ inch screen that was 5 feet away (positioned so that the chord could reach because they were cheating the system somehow) and the constant cheers from the guys amidst all the moaning and groaning of the show brought me to prayer.

“God I know you want me here, but I can’t stay if this continues,” was all I said.

Instantly the channel was out. They could no longer get reception for the fight or the porn or any other channel. I praised and thanked God in my heart. The party ended shortly afterwards and we all ended up going home.

The next day I was at work talking with the guy who hosted the party. He said that a friend of his who was also cheating the system was able to watch the whole fight. He said that sometimes Pay-per-view sends out a blocker signal to cut out all the cheaters, but since his friend was able to watch it, he didn’t know what happened to his signal. I told him I knew, and filled him in on my prayer.

Not long after I was able to begin a Bible study with two of my managers, one of which was Erv.

-Brian Carter

Have you met the Raging Fire? That blazing heat that burns off all that is unworthy? That presence that blasts off, that by the nearness refines while it terrifies?

The intimacy is shocking, such holiness, such intolerance for that which we embrace foolishly thinking it gives us freedom and power. Gone, gone, gone are the ways of man in Your presence. Chaos and all the things that would attempt to dethrone are laughed to scorn. No power, no authority known unto man stands here. No place to hide, no way to misdirect, no lie is even able to be uttered for Your divine aura repels all strength that does not come from Your throne.

This is where I long to dwell. This is where I want to build my home, my eternal home.

No other place houses such clarity. No other place houses such peace.

Much like the terror of sudden thunder, or the flash of unexpected lightning, so does Your truth strike fear to those who hear, for whoever hears it are suddenly brought unbearably close, into the fire, the heat only burns if you don’t let go. But for those who long for the fire, they draw beyond the unbearable, they welcome the purging, they surrender to the flames sweet embrace. Such an aroma of blessing, the burning of the dross.

It becomes desire to be fully known, and fully surrendered. Unbearable intimacy, terrifying proximity, but when you let go, you fly, with wings of fire. Its light fills your eyes with flame. Holy flame, holy fire becomes your vision. A touch of the eternal blazes forth cutting through all, making any attempts of your failing flesh and weakened heart flutter away like ash.

Its ridiculous, insanity, unbelievable, why would anyone do this? Why would anyone feel comfortable here? No fancy invitations. No welcome mat. No greeter but the flame. No cup of water for relief. Only fire. A goblet of fire. No comfortable couch to sit on, only an altar, only an altar. An altar for living fire. A fire that enters in your heart, your mind, your soul, and doesn’t die. No it doesn’t die. Never lacking strength, never dying out. Never does it dim. A living fire, it threatens to shed off this mortal body, it threatens to engulf our hopes and dreams. It alights our imagination, our past, our present, our future. All that we have, saved up for ourselves, all that we have stored up for our own survival. It enters there, it looks at it with a smile and a word,

Security?

Only in that holy raging inferno, only in the Triune flame, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Security in anyone else? Ha!

The only security lies beyond reason. The only assurance dwells where we cannot see. The only certainty in a realm we cannot hold and touch. A place we need to be reborn into to enter. This Kingdom of Fire, where the King has a sword that comes from His mouth.

-Brian Carter

Sometime during my Sophomore year in High School, I felt lead to begin reading my Bible during the 15 min. break we had between our classes. I opened my Bible to Psalm 1, one of my favorite passages, and began reading with my Bible hidden in my locker. The words I read went right from my eyes out of my head. It was like I couldn’t understand what I was reading. I thought this was really odd but kept on anyway. I must have read that Psalm 5-7 times before it finally started making sense. I began to pray that I would be the kind of person who was like the tree planted by streams of water.

The next day, instead of hiding what I was reading in my locker, I sat down and had it out on my lap. A friend of mine who was also a believer saw what I was doing and asked if he could join me. The need I felt to connect with God at school was felt by more than just the two of us it seemed, for many students began to come during their break to join us for Scripture reading and prayer. It was a blessing that was soon to lead to practically a church planting experience. There were so many of us that we blocked the hallway and eventually had to move because we were a fire hazard.

During one such time of prayer and Scripture reading, while we were still in the hallway, we faced opposition. A group of guys from the football team began mocking us, calling us names, and shouting things about “separation of church and state”. It took me off guard, but I understood what was going on. I looked over at a friend of mine and I took off my glasses. Now understand, I was in High School, and fighting was one of those things that came with the territory, and I wasn’t the most mature person in the world. My friend, who wasn’t either, nodded at me and we both stood up while the rest were reading the Scripture for that day doing what I should have done- ignore the mockers.

At the time, I knew the two of us couldn’t take out the group of 6 football players, but I was also full of stories of David and Goliath, Gideon, etc. And as we walked up to the group, right before we were in confrontation distance, I was turned to my left as if I was on some kind of invisible track and didn’t have a choice. I looked up and saw a friend of mine that I had been attempting to tell about Jesus.

This guy was probably one of the roughest guys in High School. Adopted/fostered by a caring family, he was taking the path of his birth parents and was headed to doing jail time. He heard the guys shouting things behind me which was becoming increasingly aggressive and offensive. It was one of those times when you think, “O now this is going to get interesting.” My rough friend didn’t have the governor that most of us do and could probably have taken on all 6 sending someone to the hospital.

Now with him at my side, my other friend and I turned around to face them. When my rough friend heard them cussing at me, that was all he needed to hear. I don’t think I’ve ever heard so many cuss words in one sentence before that actually almost made sense, and he shouted them out for all to hear. The intensity just went to the next level. The surrounding students knew this was going to get epic so they formed the ring around all 9 of us. They gathered so thick, no teacher was ever going to get near in time.

Then as I should’ve been getting ready to charge, something happened that I’ll never forget, I felt an incredible calm wash over me. The rough kid was standing next to me, his face contorted in rage, and my other friend was next to him looking at me for the signal. I remember the insults the 6 were saying hitting something before they even got to me and I watched/felt them slide down to the ground. It was amazing, a Matrix bullet experience 5 years or so before the movie came out. I looked at the 6 then at my friends and was kind of puzzled that I wasn’t getting this party started. But the peace was persistent so I looked again at the 6, walked up to the biggest one (my head was his chest height) and asked a question in a calm voice.

“What is your problem?”

“Separation of Church and State!” said one of the 6.

“We’re just reading the Bible and praying, we’re not doing anything against you,” I responded.

Meanwhile, my rough friend was about to take up on the moment that I let slip by. I placed my hand on his shoulder and he stopped. It was at this time, another curious thing happened. The 6 all had their eyes cast on the floor. Before anything else happened a teacher broke through the ring shouting, “Break it up! Break it up!” And it was over.

The next day, I saw the big guy I had talked to. I walked up to him and he immediately apologized for what happened and he even mentioned how he honestly respected what we were doing. It was so surreal. This was the time the power of God became greater to me than a fist to the face. There is no way a fight would have yielded such a powerful outcome. I remember realizing that with His power, hearts are changed. The most I could get out of a good hit is a bloody nose or a black eye, but nothing near to what He did and can do.

About my 2nd year in college, I heard they were still meeting there for prayer and Scripture reading.

-Brian Carter