Right outside the forest where I grew up, there was a meadow. One time when I was hiking through it, I witnessed a group of small birds flying around like a dark swarming cloud. I’ve always marveled at the precision of such birds, like schools of small fish, I’ve never seen them run into each other. Imagining myself as one of them, it wouldn’t take me long to ruin their dance.

I watched them swirl, dive, swoop, and climb through the air. I was mesmerized, caught up in their hypnotic twirl. Then I noticed that they would land as a group after a certain cadence. And the places they would land were all in a row. I don’t even remember how long I studied them, but after a while I decided to move in. Their time between landings was almost exact, and every time they took off, I crept closer. Finally I was as close as I thought I could get, and with one more lift off I quickly ran to the spot I judged would be their next landing site.

The next bit happened so fast I screamed in excitement, laughed in joy, and then ducked in fear all at once. For as I watched, in their perfect timing, the cloud came right at me. I swear they were caught up in their own spell, for it didn’t seem like they saw me until the last moment. The dark cloud engulfed me- the scream. The perfect harmony of their movement hardly missed a step. They changed direction all around me. I heard the flap of wings and felt the wind blow through my hair- the laughter. Then scenes of when I’ve scared Canadian Geese to flight and they’d drop off any cargo that would weigh them down, quickly passed through my mind- the fear.

In the blink of an eye it was over. The cloud resumed their dance, swarming through the sky. In a few seconds after my disturbance they landed in turn at a spot just the right distance away. I just stood there for a while watching them continue.

I’ve held onto that experience through the years because it showed me the immanence of intimacy. Study all you want, seek your knowledge, but don’t be fooled- learning about the stuff of life can never replace living it.

-Brian Carter